Monday, April 16, 2012

Speechless pain.

Speechless. The pain is speechless out of me, damn pain.
I used to be hurt, I used to be betrayed, I used to be lied of, I used to be disappointed, I'm used to all of heartaches, but I never cry out loud till tears and sound no longer coming out even my mouth open wide, I never feel like a living dead, I never know this kinda pain is exist, and now it eats me, breaks every part of me, kills me.
I don't know how to describe what I feel with words, my eyes shows it, myself reflects it, you see me then you'll understand.
I was able to swallow each kinda hurts, now I can't, I barely breathing, I can't.
For the first time in my life I found the one I do really wanna spend the rest of my time with, the one I want to be in my life till I close my eyes in peace, the one that I called 'someday'.
The one I believe more than I believe anyone include my ownself, the one I put all my trust and heart in, the one I want to keep holding on no matter what world has done.
The one I love, I will love, and always fall in love with.
What would you do if you lost your soul, if you lost your grip, if you lost your faith, if you lost your life along your loved one?
What would you do to stand still or move carrying a big deep hole in your heart? Carrying all memories you hold, try to live with pieces left.
Why you do this to me?
How could you leave, hurt me?
Where's you, you who loved only me, you who promised never gonna let me cry, you who promised won't hurt me, you who promised would stay by my side till the end of time, you who promised to keep your promises, where are you?
What are those sweet talks, deep vows, lovely moments meant for you? Do it all have a meaning for you?
Why you do this to me? What happen with Aku. Kamu. Selamanya. Satu. ? Promise is a promise ?

I don't know. I don't understand.

Please come back baby :"(
I beg.
I knee.
Stop breaking the broken me.
Find your way back into me, love will lead you back into the you who only love me.
Please, I can't live with this pains.

*I wish tonight is just a nightmare, please wake me up :"(*

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Heartbreak. The tears.

Someday, you gonna realize.
Someday, you'll see this thru my eyes.
But then, I won't even be there,
I'll be happy somewhere,
Even if I can't.

I know, you don't really see my worth,
You think, you're the last guy on earth.
Well, I've got news for you,
Though I'm not that strong,
But it won't take long,
Won't take long.

Someday, someone's gonna love me,
The way I wanted you to need me,
Someday someone's gonna take your place.
Oneday I'll forget about you,
You'll see I won't even miss you.

Right now, I know you can tell,
I'm down, and I'm not doing well.
But oneday these tears,
They will all are drown,
I won't have to cry,
Sweet goodbye :)

Nina - Someday

That song above always lead me when I'm in my breakdown.
And yes, I am now.
Sadness max...........
*tears falling*
*keep falling*
*falling all over*
Okay I need to stop. *wipe tears away*


Here I am. On the lowest level of anything.
I'm hardly thinking how could lotsa people nowadays loving around without heart. Its like someone's feeling is a new toy now eh??
I mean. I know its a modern era. But is there sincere true love no more? No one would love somebody hundred percent anylonger?
And I'm smashing my head why do I live with keep believing that there's still, it somewhere out there somehow waiting and looking for me!
Yes. Yes. I know I sound like so none-sense.
But seriously? These whole true love thingy are gone? Or forgotten? Or buried? Or sinking?
Am I the only one? Am I foolish?
Am I??????

Argh. I'm going crazy.
I can't eat. I can't sleep well.
I can't do anything.
I'm like a dead-man walking, err, woman.
What earth are you living Gaby?!
You think this is a Disney world?
You think you are live in Pixar studio?
Where things always get their happy ending?
Puhleaseeeeeeee. You're not Barbie!!!
Broken heart max.
What do promises and vows mean if in the end you break it like a cheap glass which you can throw it just like that?
What does it all means for you?
Those sweet memories, those lovely words, those those those.
What did I mean for you anyway?
After our monthversary.
Am I a trash?
Am I a kite?
Am I a shit?
Am I nothing??!!

Breath... Breath...

I can't believe, I don't know for how many times I way sucha breakdown.
This. Is. Tiring. Much.
I wish I'm not that innocent. You know, trust and love someone with all your heart.
Come on, this 2011 right?
But. I. Can't.
I never can be that person who playing around for fun.
So. Here I stand.
The same spot. The broken hearted place.
Fighting all alone. Hope all my feeling gone. I give him my heart, my soul, my life. He said I could trust him, and I should, cos he won't let me cry, cos he wanted me to be his wife, to be the mother of their children oneday.
Now that's all are nothing more than a bunch of bullshit.
The best part,
I'm trusting him more that I trust myself.
I love him more than anyone in this world.
Haha. I'm crying now. All of you must be thinking " How could this girl being so ridiculously stupid? "
The promises. The vows. In the end its nothing. A couple sentences that fly you high to knock you down. Really down.
I sit in this dark quiet room. I gotta get over you. I gotta put you out of my mind. I know I gotta be strong, cos life will always goes on.

Yeah. Its. So. Fucking. Hard.

I lost everything.
I even got no power left to stand.
How come you do this to me?
Oh God.
I'm not strenght enough face this.
I'm tired.

xoxo, babai

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

This blog post is special for someone I love, the love of my life ♥

Cinta sejati itu seperti pelangi.
Tak selalu terlihat oleh sekedar mata biasa,
Tapi selalu di pastikan dia ada di balik awan mendung hujan yang reda,
Hanya mata hati saja yang akan selalu mampu menembusnya.
Dan cinta sejati itu kamu.

"Love is a life. There's no life without love. Or if you could live without, but you will not alive inside."

So, I'm writing this (specially-for-you) in the cold weather, lil raining outside the window, with all the best feeling of love I ever feel in my whole life,
And its all happen caused by one person that God sent to me 7 months ago.
I never feel this amazing before,
You know, a feeling you can't describe, can't imagine how big the effect for your heart.
Everything is going bright, everything seems really alright.
And its all happen cause by one true love that God sent me 7 months ago.

This. Blog post. I. Dedicated. For. You.
Dear My Eja,
Happy 7th Monthversary ♥
I love you. And I will always love you. For good or bad, in rich or poor, health or sick.
I will try my best to make you happy. You have me forever for sure.
I wanna grow old with you. Reach my dreams with you. Create a rock and roll family, and have cool kids like me, or like you. Haha.

No, don't cry reading this! Please cry when I answer 'I do' on the day hehe :p #code
Haha I know you're smiling now then do that cute lil laugh of happiness :)) I know you lah baby! Mwah mwah!

260311, I found my true love. The best thing ever. And its change my life completely, for good. I'm so grateful to have you. Be with you is the happiest second in my life.

You are the miracle, you are my smile.

ILoveYou! No spaces, cos my heart is full of you :))
**Hug hug hug hug huuugggggggg**


For some people this might give you the 'bullshit' thought, but I believe some of you will think the opposite,
Cause only bunch of loveless people or *ehem* envious alliances who will taste the lil puking feeling while reading this post. But heck yeah, I don't care. Get a love.
Okay Gaby, focus, focus. Back to topic.
So continuing this post, for the believer of true love, this one of a piece of my true love touch.
True love is true.
Its warmer than a cup of hot tea.
Its brighter than a sunrise.
Once you find your true love, you will look your life with a different angle.
Trust. Me.
Life. Is. Awesome!

Never give up for something that you believe in.
Fight for something that makes you happy.
Even world against you,
But God will appreciate how hard you go through it,
And angels will see how sincere you come for it.
When you mend to be, it will meant to be.

Go now and tell all the people you love that you love them!
Spread the love!
You will never know how great is a love could be ♥


Monday, October 24, 2011

HEY ITS ME! THE NEWBIE! The crap writer.


Yeah haha. Wtf. Its me. I blog after people already earn money from its. I'm so late and lame lah. LOL. Anyways, FYI I actually decided to blog since billion forever years, sighs. But this is it! I'm gonna starting to blog as much as I am, and make this worth to read. The fact that I love creating words..... And also a talk-active. Haha. Sucha queen of gossip. Oh crap writer.

So here my story shall begins..

I'm typing this while sipping flava. My heart such in pain.  *deep exhale*
Well..... He's my true love. These fuss supposed to not happen :( . People have their own sides, you can't force other people to be exactly like the others right? Like you forcing an orange to tasted just like a sunkist. *rolling eyes*
I love fruits btw. Ah. Ignore this. ( I like apples and grapes, also strawberry ) #ignore

I know, I know, I shoulda post something interesting to all of you. Gotta save these tears for my ownself.

Yet I guess world changing lah, too many kaypoh people nowadays, who always do some special research for some people's privacy and then laugh at when it turns out to be a misery moment for that person. Then get so envy if that person so happy!! Haha.

Gotcha! I caught you all! :D

Lotsa people I knew being sucha kaypoh jerks liao. Frenemies. Haters in friend disguise. So sick of these kind human. I way this kinda drama life since whenever. Either like to call them not as a totally human-being. More like a devil who hates God's greatness. Now you all gonna say " eeuuhhh " on your mind. Are you one of them? *cheers* Whatev lah. I threw these whole sickening false and hypocrite thingy. And my life is better.

You know some quotes like, " Better have one true friend than have hundreds false friends ". Not that I'm friendless , still got thousand friends after threw away these unworthy friends, but more careful from now on.

Life is good lah hehe *big grin* and middle fingers for those trash frenemies called hypocrites. They all have a flat social life without me ( Dnt dare messed up with me lah lames ) Haha *evil laugh*

 Got nothing much to say today. Will keep it up later.
And heck yeah, sorry for the crap.
Thanks for checking up!

Laf ya ol babai! xoxo