Thursday, October 27, 2011

Heartbreak. The tears.

Someday, you gonna realize.
Someday, you'll see this thru my eyes.
But then, I won't even be there,
I'll be happy somewhere,
Even if I can't.

I know, you don't really see my worth,
You think, you're the last guy on earth.
Well, I've got news for you,
Though I'm not that strong,
But it won't take long,
Won't take long.

Cos,
Someday, someone's gonna love me,
The way I wanted you to need me,
Someday someone's gonna take your place.
Oneday I'll forget about you,
You'll see I won't even miss you.
Someday...
Someday...

Right now, I know you can tell,
I'm down, and I'm not doing well.
But oneday these tears,
They will all are drown,
I won't have to cry,
Sweet goodbye :)

Nina - Someday

That song above always lead me when I'm in my breakdown.
And yes, I am now.
Sadness max...........
*tears falling*
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*keep falling*
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*falling all over*
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Okay I need to stop. *wipe tears away*

Sighs.

Here I am. On the lowest level of anything.
I'm hardly thinking how could lotsa people nowadays loving around without heart. Its like someone's feeling is a new toy now eh??
I mean. I know its a modern era. But is there sincere true love no more? No one would love somebody hundred percent anylonger?
And I'm smashing my head why do I live with keep believing that there's still, it somewhere out there somehow waiting and looking for me!
Yes. Yes. I know I sound like so none-sense.
But seriously? These whole true love thingy are gone? Or forgotten? Or buried? Or sinking?
Am I the only one? Am I foolish?
Am I??????

Argh. I'm going crazy.
I can't eat. I can't sleep well.
I can't do anything.
I'm like a dead-man walking, err, woman.
What earth are you living Gaby?!
You think this is a Disney world?
You think you are live in Pixar studio?
Where things always get their happy ending?
Puhleaseeeeeeee. You're not Barbie!!!
Uuurrrrggghhhhhhh!
Broken heart max.
What do promises and vows mean if in the end you break it like a cheap glass which you can throw it just like that?
What does it all means for you?
Those sweet memories, those lovely words, those those those.
What did I mean for you anyway?
After our monthversary.
Am I a trash?
Am I a kite?
Am I a shit?
Am I nothing??!!

Breath... Breath...

I can't believe, I don't know for how many times I way sucha breakdown.
This. Is. Tiring. Much.
I wish I'm not that innocent. You know, trust and love someone with all your heart.
Come on, this 2011 right?
But. I. Can't.
I never can be that person who playing around for fun.
So. Here I stand.
The same spot. The broken hearted place.
Fighting all alone. Hope all my feeling gone. I give him my heart, my soul, my life. He said I could trust him, and I should, cos he won't let me cry, cos he wanted me to be his wife, to be the mother of their children oneday.
Now that's all are nothing more than a bunch of bullshit.
The best part,
I'm trusting him more that I trust myself.
I love him more than anyone in this world.
Haha. I'm crying now. All of you must be thinking " How could this girl being so ridiculously stupid? "
*longexhale*
The promises. The vows. In the end its nothing. A couple sentences that fly you high to knock you down. Really down.
I sit in this dark quiet room. I gotta get over you. I gotta put you out of my mind. I know I gotta be strong, cos life will always goes on.

Yeah. Its. So. Fucking. Hard.

I lost everything.
I even got no power left to stand.
How come you do this to me?
Oh God.
I'm not strenght enough face this.
I'm tired.
............................................
*cry*











xoxo, babai

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